A Framework for Happiness
Derived from the YouTube series by Will Schoder ( @schodes ):
Emotional State Theory (EST)
The sources offer a comprehensive view of happiness, primarily defining it through Dan Haybron's Emotional State Theory (EST) and identifying five foundational conditions—the SOARS model—that lead to lasting fulfillment.
The adopted definition of happiness is an emotional condition consisting of three dimensions of central affective states and one's underlying mood propensity. This approach moves beyond simple transient pleasure to provide a pragmatic framework for understanding true happiness.
Core Components of the Emotional Condition
- Attunement (The Foundation):
- Reflects a deep sense of being at home in one's life; considered the most important dimension of happiness.
- Axes include tranquility-anxiety, confidence-insecurity, and uncompression-compression.
- Tranquility (inner fortitude and peace of mind) serves as the foundation.
- Disattunement is a state of alienation, where a person feels threatened and insecure.
- Engagement:
- A state of being energetic, interested, and engaged with life, rather than listless or bored.
- Associated ideals are vitality (exuberance-depression axis) and flow (optimal balance between skill and challenge).
- Endorsement:
- Consists of affects along the joy-sadness and cheerfulness-irritability axes.
- These are the most "feeling" and visible aspects (smiles, laughter), but they are transient and should not be confused with true, deep happiness.
- Mood Propensity:
- The underlying tendency to fall into certain moods, which is psychologically deeper than any temporary mood or emotion.
- If one has a propensity to be easily irritated or depressed, they are not truly happy, regardless of often-positive surface emotions.
A life that is psychically affirming is one where the emotional condition is favorable across all dimensions, with psychic flourishing being an even more pronounced state of harmony.
Theories of Happiness
EST is defined in opposition to two other popular philosophical concepts:
Hedonism
Defines happiness as a positive balance of pleasant over unpleasant experiences. EST rejects this, arguing that pleasure is often superficial and doesn't reach deep enough to be a true constituent of happiness (e.g., excluding peripheral affects like an orgasm).
Life Satisfaction Theory (LST)
Defines happiness as an intellectual endorsement or wholehearted affirmation of one's life. EST highlights the problem of cognitive affective divergence, where one's intellectual judgment (satisfaction) can diverge significantly from their actual emotional state (happiness). For example, money often buys life satisfaction but not necessarily emotional happiness.
Lasting Happiness: The SOARS Model
These five conditions are resistant to hedonic adaptation (the hedonic treadmill) and thus bring lasting happiness by supporting the dimensions of Emotional State Theory, particularly Attunement.
- Security (S):
- The perception of being free from peril. It is a deficit need, meaning more of it beyond a certain point mainly serves as a larger barrier to unhappiness.
- Includes material security (poverty creates unhappiness; the effect of money plateaus around perceived security, e.g., $90,000 household income), project security (fear of failure in core goals), and time security.
- Outlook (O):
- Concerns one's beliefs, values, and how situations are perceived and interpreted.
- Includes Acceptance (freedom from reactivity), Positivity (looking for silver linings), and Compassion (widening the mind to make one's own problems seem insignificant).
- Autonomy (A):
- The feeling that one's actions are fully self-endorsed (volitional) rather than controlled or coerced.
- Autonomy is not the same as individualism; even in restrictive environments, one can choose their attitude and perception of freedom.
- Relationships (R):
- The strength of relationships is widely considered the greatest predictor of happiness.
- Relatedness is strongest when one feels integrated into a community and has a sense of significance and belonging.
- Skilled and Meaningful Work (S):
- Aligns with the psychological need for competence—the experience of growth and mastery ("Happiness is growth").
- Work is meaningful if one perceives value fulfillment, seeing the job as part of a larger, significant goal.
Congruence and Well-being
- Congruence: Described as the most important concept, it is a state of agreement or harmony across a person's physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels, unified by purpose, which leads to a profound sense of meaning.
- Genetics vs. Environment: While genes substantially influence one's affective style, the nature of the mind (outlook) is viewed as the most important factor because everything falls to the level of perception. However, the environment (security, opportunity) is also crucial, making its improvement a moral imperative.
- Happiness vs. Well-being: Happiness is a psychological state (EST), while well-being is a life that goes well for the person leading it (often involving moral integrity and fulfillment of potential). The sources conclude that happiness is a substantial part of well-being, and a happy disposition is often associated with helping others and meaningful activities.
Emotional State Theory (EST)
Dan Haybron's Emotional State Theory (EST) serves as the working definition of happiness. It posits that happiness is an emotional condition comprised of three dimensions of central affective states and an underlying mood propensity, moving beyond simpler notions like mere pleasure.
Central Affective States
The three core dimensions constituting the emotional condition of happiness are Attunement, Engagement, and Endorsement:
- Attunement (The Foundation):
- Most important dimension. Signifies a deep sense of being at home in one's life.
- Axes include tranquility-anxiety, confidence-insecurity, and uncompression-compression.
- Tranquility (inner fortitude and peace of mind) serves as the foundation.
- Disattunement (alienation, feeling threatened) makes other dimensions of happiness much harder to access.
- Engagement:
- Being energetic, interested, and engaged with life, rather than listless or withdrawn.
- Ideals include vitality (exuberance-depression axis) and flow (optimal balance between skill and challenge).
- Lethargy and listlessness signal psychic disengagement.
- Endorsement:
- Consists of affects along the joy-sadness and cheerfulness-irritability axes.
- These are the most "feeling" and visible aspects (smiles, laughter) but are often transient and should not be confused with true, deep happiness.
Mood Propensity
Happiness includes one's mood propensity—the underlying tendency to fall into certain moods. It is psychologically deeper than any temporary mood or emotion.
- If one has a propensity to be easily irritated or depressed, happiness is considered fragile, even if daily conscious moods are often positive.
- If mood propensity consistently matches the dimensions, happiness is robust.
Levels of Happiness according to EST
- Psychic Affirmation: The emotional condition is favorable on the whole across all dimensions, with negative states comprising only a minor part. (Generally considered a good level of happiness).
- Psychic Flourishing (Truly Happy): A pronounced state of happiness achieved when the individual, environment, and context are in perfect harmony.
- Psychic Rejection (Truly Unhappy): Occurs with a full sweep of the three dimensions far to the negative side.
Larger Context of Happiness
EST vs. Other Theories
Life Satisfaction Theory (LST)
EST highlights the problem of cognitive affective divergence, where intellectual judgments (satisfaction) can diverge significantly from the affective state (happiness). Money, for example, often buys LST but not emotional happiness.
Hedonism
EST objects that pleasure is superficial and excludes peripheral affects (like an orgasm) from being constituents of happiness. For EST, happiness is the quality of one's entire psychological disposition, not just the pleasantness of conscious experience.
Connection to Foundations and Congruence
- Connection to SOARS: The SOARS model (Security, Outlook, Autonomy, Relationships, Skilled Work) brings lasting happiness because its foundations are not subject to hedonic adaptation.
- All five SOARS elements are associated with Attunement (e.g., perceived security for tranquility; belonging/mastery for profound attunement).
- Autonomy and competence lead directly to Engagement/flow.
- Connection to Congruence: Congruence—a state of harmony across a person's physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels, unified by purpose—is highly related to EST.
- Being congruent across levels is akin to being "at home in life" (Attunement).
- The psychological state of robust psychic affirmation corresponds strongly to a daily life that is predominantly congruent.
In essence, EST provides the framework for understanding the internal psychological experience of happiness, while the SOARS foundations and congruence explain the external and internal conditions necessary to sustain that emotional state.
Heritability and Foundations
The sources draw upon scientific studies in psychology and neuroscience to establish the definition of happiness, support the SOARS framework, and critique conventional assumptions about well-being.
Heritability of Happiness
Twin Studies and Affective Style
- Methodology: Scientists compare identical twins (same genes) with fraternal twins (half shared genes) under a shared environment to isolate genetic influence on traits.
- Findings: An individual’s average level of happiness, known as their affective style, is a highly heritable aspect of personality.
- The Set Range: Genetics determine a set range within which happiness moves up or down based on life conditions. Genes are emphasized as pre-configuring, not predetermining, one's lasting levels of happiness.
Hedonic Adaptation
A significant body of research explains why temporary pursuits fail to bring lasting happiness:
- Affective Forecasting: Citing Dan Gilbert's "Stumbling on Happiness," people are found to be bad at predicting their future emotional reactions, often overestimating the intensity and duration of feelings after major events or purchases.
- Hedonic Adaptation (The Hedonic Treadmill): This natural process involves nerve cells habituating to new stimuli and firing less over time. This causes people to quickly return to their baseline level of happiness after major purchases or achievements.
- Solution: The SOARS model is introduced as a framework of happiness foundations (Security, Outlook, Autonomy, Relationships, Skilled Work) that are resistant to this adaptation.
Psychological Theories
Self-Determination Theory (SDT)
- Source: Drawn from the work of Edward Deci and Richard Ryan.
- Relevance: SDT is a macro-theory focused on human motivation and flourishing, seen as superior to Maslow’s Hierarchy due to its impressive replication track record over 50 years.
- Universal Needs: SDT posits that humans have three universal psychological needs essential for growth and wellness: Autonomy, Competence (Skilled Work in SOARS), and Relatedness (Relationships in SOARS).
Key Research Models and Contributors
- Emotional State Theory (EST): Developed by Dan Haybron, this theory forms the entire framework of happiness used, critiquing both Hedonism and Life Satisfaction Theory (LST).
- LST Critique: Supported by Danny Kahneman's work, which separates life satisfaction (affected by conventional success/money) from emotional happiness.
- Flow Research: The concept of Flow (an ideal of the Engagement dimension) is attributed to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, describing a state of complete absorption at the optimal balance between skill and challenge.
Research Findings
- Money and Security: The effect of money on happiness seems to plateau at a point of perceived security, estimated around a household income of $90,000 in the US. Poverty brings unhappiness, but greater wealth beyond the plateau doesn't necessarily increase emotional happiness.
- Autonomy in Environment: A famous nursing home study demonstrated that residents given choice over plants and scheduling became much more active, healthier, and happier. Changing an institution's environment to increase the sense of control is an effective way to boost engagement.
- Meaningful Work Perception: Studies (e.g., by Amy Wrzesniewski and Jane Dutton) showed that hospital janitors who viewed their work as part of a larger goal to heal people perceived their work as more skilled and meaningful.
- Meditation and Outlook: Lifetime meditators exhibit impressive control over internal states (e.g., zero startle response) and experience positive emotion at a full standard deviation from the norm.
- Gratitude and Relatedness: Research shows that expressing gratitude fortifies relationships and promotes trust and intimacy, demonstrating an upward spiral between the two.
Caveats and Limitations
- Replication Crisis: The sources acknowledge that the field of psychology is currently facing a replication crisis, with many findings failing to replicate, urging skepticism toward theories of human flourishing.
- Mathematical Models: Mathematical models of happiness (such as the retracted 2.9 to 1 positive to negative affect ratio for flourishing) are dismissed as unable to track the incredible complexities of happiness.
- Haybron's Conjectures: Haybron himself admits that EST is an "informal outline" and that some of his conjectures might not survive further scientific study.
Addressing Hedonic Adaptation
The SOARS model (Security, Outlook, Autonomy, Relationships, Skilled and Meaningful Work) identifies the foundations of lasting happiness. These five conditions are crucial because they are generally not subject to hedonic adaptation, differentiating them from transient pleasures.
The SOARS elements are defined as the conditions that, when satisfied, move an individual up in their genetically determined set range of happiness. They are the non-adaptive inputs that fulfill the fundamental psychological requirements for robust psychic affirmation (happiness).
Note: The last three elements (A, R, S) align directly with the universal psychological needs of Self-Determination Theory (SDT).
Five Foundations of Happiness (SOARS)
1. Security (S)
Security is a deficit need—it primarily affects happiness only when lacking. It is the perception of security that matters.
- Material Security: Poverty causes unhappiness. The effect of money plateaus at a point of perceived security (e.g., ~$90,000 household income in the US). Beyond this, it mainly acts as a barrier to unhappiness, not an enhancer of it.
- Project Security: The fear of failure when deeply identifying with a goal. This can be mitigated by perceiving even failure as worthwhile.
- Time Security: The feeling of having time to do what one needs to do; lack of it leads to feeling compressed and reactive.
2. Outlook (O)
Outlook concerns one’s beliefs, values, and how situations are perceived and interpreted. The nature of the mind (outlook) is seen as the most important factor for happiness.
- Acceptance: Not getting upset when things do not meet expectations; provides freedom from reactivity.
- Positivity: Looking for silver linings and expressing gratitude. Positivity is often a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Compassion: Focusing on the well-being of others to widen the mind, making one's own problems appear less significant.
3. Autonomy (A)
The feeling that one's actions are fully self-endorsed (volitional) rather than controlled or coerced. Not the same as independence or having many options.
- Internal Locus of Control: Autonomy is possible even in constrained environments, as one can always choose their attitude and perception of freedom.
- Environmental Support: Environments supportive of autonomy (e.g., choice in scheduling) significantly increase engagement, energy, and happiness.
- Relationship Tension: One can autonomously choose to endorse community values, reconciling the tension between autonomy and relatedness.
4. Relationships (R)
Relatedness is widely considered the greatest predictor of happiness.
- Conditions for Strength: Requires feeling integrated into a community and having a sense of significance and belonging.
- Requirements for Connection: Respect, caring, mutual understanding, and unconditional love are vital.
- Impact on Security: Trust strongly correlates with happiness due to the sense of security it provides.
5. Skilled and Meaningful Work (S)
This foundation aligns with the psychological need for competence.
- Competence as Growth: Defined as the experience of growth and mastery in one's skillsets, which is viewed as an asymptote (always being worked toward). Happiness is linked to growth.
- Meaningful Work: Work is meaningful if one perceives value fulfillment—by seeing one's job as part of a larger, significant goal (e.g., the janitor helping heal people).
SOARS in Context
SOARS and Emotional State Theory (EST)
The SOARS foundations are intrinsically linked to the three dimensions of EST (Attunement, Engagement, Endorsement):
- Attunement: All five SOARS elements are associated with Attunement (a sense of being at home in life). Perceived security is necessary for tranquility; a good outlook provides peace of mind; and belonging/mastery lead to profound states of attunement.
- Engagement: Autonomy and competence lead directly to flow (an ideal of engagement). Exuberance (vitality) tends to occur when one feels autonomous and secure.
SOARS and Congruence
Congruence (harmony across a person's physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels) is the most important overarching concept.
- Satisfying the SDT psychological needs (Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness) across levels is defined as congruence.
- Security and Outlook are necessary for achieving and maintaining congruence. Security provides the material safety, and Outlook helps mediate incongruence when external conditions are imperfect.
Misconceptions and Challenges
The sources identify pervasive misconceptions that hinder lasting happiness, often contrasting them with Emotional State Theory (EST) and the SOARS framework.
Misconceptions About Happiness
Happiness as Transient Pleasure (Hedonism)
- Definition: Equating happiness with a positive balance of pleasant over unpleasant experiences.
- Critique: Pleasure is often superficial; EST excludes "peripheral affects" (like an orgasm) from being constituents of true happiness. The case of "Will" (positive hedonic balance but still cries) shows happiness is a general psychological condition, not a sequence of pleasures.
Happiness as Intellectual Endorsement (Life Satisfaction Theory - LST)
- Definition: A wholehearted affirmation or intellectual endorsement of one's life.
- Critique: LST suffers from cognitive affective divergence, where one's intellectual judgment diverges from their affective state. Money buys life satisfaction but not emotional happiness. Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein (satisfied with accomplishments but "chronically depressed") exemplifies this split.
- Mathematical Models: Attempts to rigidly quantify happiness (e.g., the retracted 2.9 to 1 positive/negative affect ratio) are dismissed as unable to track the incredible complexities of happiness.
- Misunderstanding of Attunement: Many confuse the shallow comfort of a vacation with the true tranquility of EST, which is defined as inner fortitude and peace of mind.
The Pursuit of Happiness
Internal and Psychological Hurdles
- Hedonic Adaptation: The greatest challenge. People quickly adapt to most achievements and purchases, returning to their baseline happiness ("hamsters on a wheel").
- Affective Forecasting Error: People are terrible at predicting their future feelings, often overestimating the intensity and duration of emotional reactions to future events.
- Overcoming Genetic Temperament: Genes provide a "first draft" and a set range of happiness. Changing one's lasting levels requires significant effort against this genetic predisposition (e.g., a "Squidward" is unlikely to become a "SpongeBob").
- The Paradox of Pursuit: The view that actively pursuing the *feeling* of happiness means "you never find it." Happiness is often found indirectly by focusing on the SOARS foundations (growth, meaning).
- Difficulty of Cultivating Outlook: Although the nature of the mind is the most important factor, changing one’s outlook requires months to years of conscious effort (mind training) or paradigm-shifting events.
- Skepticism and Cynicism: Some believe happiness is only for "dumb or completely inauthentic people," viewing their inability to be happy as a sign of sophistication (working from an impoverished view).
Societal and Environmental Hurdles
- The Myth of the Individual Pursuit: The belief that happiness is strictly individual is mistaken; environments that support security and psychological needs must be built together. Neglecting the environment is to "oversimplify the phrase, 'Happiness is a choice,' to a fault."
- Compression by Culture: Society can be a huge source of compression that "smothers" one's capacity for pleasure and attunement (e.g., culture of over-scheduling, social pressure to conform).
- The Modern Void of Congruence: The decline of ritualistic communities leaves modern people with a "chaos buffet" of values and goals to assimilate alone, which is both "liberating and terrifying."
- The Failure to Flourish on the Way: The common tendency to postpone psychological well-being. If people do not flourish psychologically on their way to future goals, they "do not flourish at all," leading to the common regret of the dying: "I wish that I had let myself be happier."
The conclusion is that robust psychic affirmation—a state where life is "predominantly congruent"—requires navigating these powerful misconceptions and environmental challenges, as happiness is a substantial part of well-being.
Happiness vs. Well-being
The sources establish a clear distinction between Happiness (a psychological state) and Well-being (an evaluative concept of a life that goes well). While separate, happiness is ultimately argued to be a substantial and integral part of overall well-being.
The Core Definitions
- Happiness: Defined as a psychological state of being. Specifically, it uses Dan Haybron's Emotional State Theory (EST), an emotional condition consisting of three dimensions (Attunement, Engagement, Endorsement) and one's mood propensity.
- Well-being: Defined as a life that goes well for the person leading it. This involves evaluative concepts like moral integrity and the fulfillment of one's potential.
Happiness is Not the Ultimate Good
The philosophical position that happiness is not the *ultimate good* is acknowledged through arguments and thought experiments that elevate moral integrity and life fulfillment over mere pleasure:
- Valuative vs. Psychological: The mathematician who lives a pleasant life counting blades of grass (happy state) but fails to live up to their potential (low well-being) illustrates that a pleasant psychological state does not always equate to a life going well.
- The Experience Machine: Robert Nozick's thought experiment, where people reject being safely plugged into a device providing any desired pleasure, subverts the idea that any psychological state is the ultimate good. People want an authentic human experience and to *do* certain things.
- Moral Integrity: Historical figures like MLK Jr. and Abraham Lincoln, who were "far from happy" due to their self-sacrificial lives, are held up as paradigms of the good life, demonstrating that morality is often considered more important than happiness.
A Substantial Component of Well-being
Despite acknowledging happiness's limitations as the *sole* measure of a good life, the sources conclude it remains a crucial element:
- Happiness is Substantial: Experiments like the Experience Machine are critiqued for potentially making happiness seem "less important than it actually is." Happiness is deemed a substantial part of well-being.
- The Problem of the Unhappy Achiever: Chasing success that "siphons a person's peace of mind, compresses them, leaves them half-engaged," raises the question of whether that person is truly "doing well." The recommendation is to avoid chasing societal success if it leaves one miserable (e.g., stressed lawyer vs. happy park ranger).
- EST and Moral Conduct: The specific type of happiness defined by EST is not selfish. A person with high Attunement (not anxious or compressed) is more likely to look outward and help others. Deep Engagement in meaningful work suggests alignment with purpose.
Congruence: The Merging Point
The concept of Congruence ties happiness and well-being together by describing a cross-level coherence in a person's life—a state of harmony across physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels unified by purpose.
- Psychic Flourishing: The highest state of happiness is defined as perfect harmony between the individual, environment, and context, resembling the classical philosophical concept of eudaimonia (human flourishing).
- Optimal Functioning: Satisfying the basic psychological needs (Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness) across all levels is congruence. This alignment not only leads to robust psychic affirmation (happiness) but is also inherently tied to virtue, motivation, and meaning—the ingredients of overall well-being.
In conclusion, the happiness defined by EST and achieved through congruence is deeply intertwined with the pursuit of a virtuous, purposeful, and psychologically sound life, making it an integral element of well-being.
Cultivating Lasting Happiness
The primary method for cultivating lasting happiness is to concentrate on the SOARS foundations, defined as those conditions that are not subject to hedonic adaptation (the hedonic treadmill). Cultivating happiness requires deliberate, sustained effort on these five essential areas:
1. The Foundation: Focusing on Non-Adaptive Conditions (SOARS)
S: Security (A Deficit Need)
- Goal: Achieving a necessary barrier to unhappiness by ensuring material, project, and time security.
- Action: Focus on achieving a baseline of perceived security (e.g., ~$90,000 household income in the US for material needs), as security primarily affects happiness when it is lacking.
O: Outlook (The Most Important Factor)
Outlook (one's interpretations, beliefs, and focus) is the most important factor because everything falls to the level of perception.
- Mind Training: Requires perseverance and regular practice over months to years to make happy responses automatic (e.g., the sustained practice of lifetime meditators).
- Practices: Cultivate Acceptance (not being reactive), Positivity (gratitude, silver linings), and Compassion (widening the mind to bring inner peace).
- Mindsets: Adopt an Internal Locus of Control (focusing only on what you can control) and an Anti-fragile/Growth Mindset (seeing adversity as an opportunity for growth and strengthening).
A: Autonomy (Volitional Action)
- Goal: Increasing the extent to which behavior is experienced as volitional and fully self-endorsed.
- Action: Align actions with authentic interests and values, and choose your attitude even in constrained circumstances. Seek autonomy-supportive environments that promote responsibility through well-communicated limits and choice.
R: Relationships (Greatest Predictor)
- Goal: Cultivating strong relationships and a sense of connectedness, which is widely considered the greatest predictor of happiness.
- Action: Show unconditional love and externalize affection. Practice expressing gratitude, which acts as a social glue that fortifies relationships and trust.
S: Skilled and Meaningful Work (Competence)
- Goal: Satisfying the need for competence and meaning.
- Action: View competence as the experience of growth and mastery—an asymptote always being worked toward. Cultivate meaning by perceiving value fulfillment, often by seeing one's job as part of a larger, significant goal.
2. The Context: Congruence and Holistic Alignment
Cultivating happiness ultimately means striving for congruence—a state of agreement or harmony across a person’s physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels, unified by purpose.
- Satisfying Needs is Congruence: Satisfying the basic psychological needs (Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness) across all levels results in congruence.
- Internal Harmony: When the psychological condition is predominantly congruent, this aligns with the definition of robust psychic affirmation (happiness).
- The Physical Level: Cultivating a congruent body by securing energy and safety (sleep, proper nutrition) provides the necessary foundation for pursuing psychological needs.
- The Ancient Path: Systems like Stoicism and Buddhism are viewed as "congruence making machines" that provide top-down values and practices to align the different levels of existence.
3. The Challenge: Effort and Environment
- The Hard Work of Cultivation: To say "happiness is a choice" is to trivialize just how hard it is. Maintaining the SOARS foundations requires a great deal of work and upkeep over years, not months.
- The Environmental Imperative: While Outlook is key, changing the environment is also necessary. We must pursue happiness together by building a better society that supports our security and psychological needs.
- Avoiding Postponed Flourishing: Recognize the dangerous myth that happiness will be acquired in the future. We must choose to flourish psychologically on our way to future goals, or we risk the fifth regret of the dying: "I wish that I had let myself be happier."
- Focusing on Essentials: Happiness is not complicated; it relies on these five foundations. Individuals are better off focusing on a few important things rather than constantly adding new, temporary pursuits.
The Environment's Influence
The sources emphasize that social and environmental factors play a crucial, interdependent role in cultivating happiness. These external conditions directly influence an individual's security, psychological needs (Autonomy, Relatedness, Competence), and overall state of congruence.
Environmental Impact on the SOARS Foundations
- Security: Environments determine the ease of achieving security. Poverty brings unhappiness regardless of location. The effect of money plateaus at a point of perceived security (~$90,000 household income in the US), but the freedom that wealth offers is a clear path to Autonomy.
- Autonomy: Environments vary in their support for volitional action. Studies, like the nursing home example (residents given choice became "much more active, healthier, and happier"), show that institutions that increase the sense of control significantly boost engagement.
- Relationships (Relatedness): The strength of connectedness is heavily dependent on context. Relatedness is strongest when one feels integrated into a community and has a sense of significance and belonging. Trust strongly correlates with happiness by providing a sense of security.
- Skilled and Meaningful Work (Competence): Opportunities for engaging work are context-dependent. Some environments are more conducive to meaning, such as the example of hospital janitors who found their work meaningful by seeing themselves as part of a larger healing goal, which often granted them greater autonomy.
Societal and Cultural Compression
Social and cultural environments pose a direct threat to the Attunement dimension of happiness, specifically by causing compression—the narrowing of the mind and spirit—which "smothers" one's capacity for pleasure.
- Sources of Compression: The busy culture of over-scheduling and micromanaging and the social pressure to conform are norms that make individuals feel their identity is being "compressed by outside forces."
- Consequence: People act in ways that feel controlled just to fit in, leading to the "sleep of individuality" and alienation.
The Role of Society in Fulfilling Needs (Congruence)
Communal environments are essential for achieving congruence (harmony across physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels).
- Ultra-Social Imperative: Humans require mutual interdependence; therefore, the group (society) must also achieve a "modicum of congruence" to coordinate collective values and goals.
- Cultures as "Congruence Making Machines": Historically, cultures and religions have prescribed norms and shared myths to solve coordination problems and align the different levels of existence.
- The Modern Void: The decline of ritualistic communities leaves modern people with a "chaos buffet" of diverse values and norms to assimilate alone. This "liberating and terrifying prospect" makes achieving personal congruence more difficult due to the lack of clear external guidance.
The Balance of Individual Effort and Environment
Happiness is not strictly an individual pursuit; human lives are "deeply intertwined with others in almost every domain."
- Collective Action: The SOARS foundations are "things we have to pursue together by building better communities and a better society." It is a moral imperative to reduce needless suffering and increase opportunity.
- Avoiding Extremes: Neglecting the environment is to oversimplify the phrase, "Happiness is a choice," to a fault. The context in which one lives is a large part of the story, and these factors "aren't totally up to you."
- Interconnectedness: While outlook is the most important individual factor, the environment and outlook are deeply interconnected, and the ability to satisfy the SOARS needs is "heavily dependent on context."
Regrets of the Dying
The Five Regrets of the Dying, compiled by palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware, serve as a powerful lens through which to discuss why humans often fail to achieve true happiness and psychological flourishing during their lives. These regrets highlight the conflict between societal pressures and authentic living.
The List of Regrets
- I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
- I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Regrets within the Happiness Framework
These regrets are directly connected to failures in satisfying the core foundations of lasting happiness, particularly the SOARS model (Security, Outlook, Autonomy, Relationships, Skilled Work) and the importance of Congruence.
Regrets and the SOARS Foundations
- Regret 1 (True to Self): Directly relates to Autonomy. An autonomous life is fully self-endorsed; living as others expected means one was coerced or compelled, leading to the unhappiness of feeling controlled.
- Regret 4 (Friends): Directly addresses Relatedness (Relationships), which is widely considered the greatest predictor of happiness. Relatedness is essential for feeling significance and belonging.
- Regret 2 & 5 (Hard Work & Happier): Intersect with the pursuit of conventional success (Life Satisfaction) over Emotional Happiness. This suggests a trade-off where psychological well-being is often sacrificed for future, often fleeting, goals.
Regret 5: The Challenge of Postponed Happiness
The fifth regret—"I wish that I had let myself be happier"—is striking because it implies happiness was perceived as something that could have been allowed or chosen in the present but was perpetually deferred.
The profound lesson is that people frequently postpone psychological well-being while chasing future achievements. If we do not flourish psychologically on our way to future goals, we do not flourish at all.
Connection to Congruence
The concept of congruence (a state of harmony across a person's physical, psychological, and socio-cultural levels) provides a unified explanation for all the regrets:
- Regrets about autonomy, expression, and relationships are symptoms of a life where the individual's authentic interests and values are not aligned with their environments or goals.
- This misalignment results in internal contradictions and neurotic conflicts.
- The pursuit of congruence (discovering and creating the authentic self, finding authentic behaviors, and unhooking from controlled ones) is the path that allows for robust psychic affirmation and avoids the regrets listed by the dying.